Can He Really Say That?

I just call ‘em like I see ‘em. Click here.

Much to my dismay, Jimmy Fallon has been named the next host of NBC’s Late Night, replacing Conan O’Brien who is moving up to take over for Jay Leno on The Tonight Show.  I’m pissed.  First of all, I thought Jimmy Fallon was dead.  I was sure of it.  The last thing the guy did was a movie about a taxi cab with Queen Latifah.  Dead.   Secondly, Couldn’t they have got someone that was funny?  Remember, Jimmy Fallon is so not funny that he had to leave SNL.  I have house plants that do funnier things than Jimmy Fallon.  And they don’t laugh at themselves maniacally after they do them.  The only person who thinks Jimmy Fallon is funny is Jimmy Fallon.  I’m going to miss hearing, “Hey, did you see Conan last night?” because he is an awkwardly tall carrot topped pasty Irish man named Conan.  He was designed for comedy.  I want this to be known, anyone that asks me if I saw Jimmy Fallon last night is getting punched in the weiner, and that’s a fact.

Tags: JimmyFallon, why God, Conan O’brien

CHRST has been quiet for a while due to day job/real life constraints. I’m sorry to all the regular readers and I promise that the site will be back to regular posting very very soon. One great thing is that I am adding something to make the site even more enjoyable. Details will be available shortly.

My home state is a very unique place, which is most of the reason I don’t live there any more. For example, when you take your girlfriend out on a date in Louisiana you use an ATV and carry a gun in your lap. The paparazzi, although street smart and city smooth, seem to not realize that. They appear to have gotten the picture though (get it?? punny punny!!) when Jamie Lynn Spears’ boyfriend, Whatshisnamey, pointed a gun at a paparazzi photographer while telling him to leave the private property. There is a video of the event on TMZ, and I have to be honest, I was expecting much more. It is one of those cop interrogation movie type points where he subtly turns the gun to point at the intended target instead of the in your face, sideways, down-turned wrist type of points. This could be the start of something big, and I hope to see more of this. Pop Fiction would have been a lot funnier if Ashton would have armed the pranksters who were intent on neutralizing offenders with extreme prejudice. THAT I would have watched.

UPDATE- The link to the video is now fixed.

I hear Heidi Montag is from MTV’s The Hills. I wouldn’t know, I’ve never seen it. Because I’m smart. I do know she is on every celeb blog known to man for being blonde (which appears to be the requirements to be in a swimsuit-centric blog these days) and she recently put her uber star power to use by backing John McCain in the presidential election. There’s only one problem, she isn’t registered to vote. Radar Online made the discovery:

At least not according to voter registration officials in her hometown, Crested Butte, Colorado, or her current place of residence, Los Angeles County, who told Radar by phone that no one named “Heidi Montag” exists in the database of registered voters. A Lexis search confirmed that Montag isn’t registered anywhere else in Colorado, either. (Her rep could not immediately confirm Heidi’s voter status).

I can see it now, MTV is going to subject their viewer (that’s not a typo, it’s a burn) to a hastily produced special where they follow Heidi through the voter registration process and then show her voting with some really airy, triumphant music playing in the background when she comes out talking about how she feels like she is making the nation a better place by doing her part. It will fade to black and have a little caption that says “Heidi has gone on to vote for 3 councilmen, a judge, and two county representatives.” Oooh, they can start the episode off with her getting a call from Puff Daddy (or whatever we are supposed to call him now) saying that if she doesn’t vote, he’ll kill her. It will be called “True Life: I’m being hunted by Diddy”.

George Clooney has launched a full scale investigation into who prank called him to tell him to break up with Sarah Larson. Larson has been taken for a ride for the last two weeks with pictures showing up of her being a skank and her ex boyfriend letting it out about their sex romps in the woods. To be honest with you, I am tired of writing about these two so click the links if you are interested. I took two weeks off and I come back and I’m still writing about an old man dating a chick who is young enough to be his daughter.  I am plum out of Clooney jokes. Do you know how depressing that is? OK, the pictures of her whoring it up were kind of a pick me up.

according to The Sun UK Madonna is looking to adopt a new child, this time an Indian child. Her husband Guy Ritchie is not about it, but since she is the one with the money, he has to do what she says.

Guy was against the idea, but when she wants something, she gets it.”

The two-year bid to adopt David was said to be “very stressful”

The source added: “Guy thought Madonna was mad to want to go through it all again.

“He has always been unsure about adoption as his own mother was adopted and had negative experiences of that.

“But they talked and talked and decided adopting a baby from India would be easier.”

If by “The two-year bid to adopt David was said to be ‘very stressful’” they mean Madonna had a hard time figuring out how to take a baby from a woman while disregarding the adoption laws of the child’s home country, then yes, I can see that being very stressful indeed. I do have to agree with Guy on one point, adopting a baby is way easier than having sex with Madonna. Gross.

I’m not the kind of guy to spread rumors, oh no. I wouldn’t say something unless it was a cold hard fact. But as Lance from filmdrunk.com says, there are question marks in the title and that only can mean one thing; SPECULATION TIME! Apparently Lenny has been talking to The Powers That Be at the radio station and you might be able to expect the triumphant return of “The Lenny and Jonny Show” come May. Who knows if this is true, you know how those famous and sexy radio guys lie.

I am out of town on “day job” stuff for the next week, so if you need your celebrity gossip fix just go to all the sites that I plagiarize from. I should be returning to regular posting by the 25th or so. Hang in there, I’ll be back.

I’m gonna regret doing this. I wasn’t even going to comment on it because everyone else is, but I have to support JT who is catching flack after some bloggers and writers, namely PopSugar, got all pissy about his induction speech for Madonna last night. JT went all Tony Romo on Britney Spears with his “roast” of Madonna in a way that makes me like him a little more. Don’t get me wrong, I still think he tossed the collective salads of Michael Jackson and Timbaland to get where he is, but he publicly makes fun of Madonna and Britney Spears and I can respect that. Plus “LoveStoned/I Think She Knows” gets stuck in my head every time I hear it. Give me a break, I’m not made of stone.

She has still found time to kiss someone I may or may not have publicly kissed myself while I was in the audience” Timberlake said. “Of course you know I was talking about Sean Penn.”…Timberlake punctuated his remarks with, “The world has always been full of Madonna wannabes and I might have even dated a couple.” [source]

I’m surprised PopSugar would shake their finger in shame at Timberlake, they are usually too busy kissing the asses of people that every other blog in the world is mocking. That is why we’re here. They pay people to kiss their ass and its our job to counter that. Checks and balances, its what keeps this country great.